General Conference.... (Warning! Religious content)

     I don't know what is was today but watching general conference was really hard.  For anyone who doesn't know what General conference it is a biannual conference that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has world wide.  This year I watched it on my laptop at home.  I thought that there were some talks that were really great and I connected to, but man the last session I just wanted to stop watching and sleep.  Maybe it was just the fact that I was tired but come on!  I should be doing better than this!  I had promised myself that this weekend I would try to start my old habits of reading my scriptures and praying every night and that I would do my best to be in tune with the spirit but I didn't feel much of anything during conference today.  I felt something yesterday and I took notes today and yesterday.  I don't know what's wrong with me.

     Yes I have realized that I have not been doing the spiritual activities that I have needed to for over a month now, but I thought I would feel something today.  It is Sunday for goodness sake...what makes it worse is that it is JC's birthday and I didn't even know it!  I feel like such a bad Mormon right now.  I'm sure when I read them in a few weeks it will be easier for me to relate.  I learn more when I read rather than pure lecture so that could be another reason.

I think what upsets me the most is that this church and my faith is how I identify myself the most.  I can talk for long periods of time about it and my testimony in certain things, but I am not keeping up with my spiritual activities that are supposed to help me keep my faith and testimony.  It makes me feel like a hypocrite.  I go to church every Sunday and talk with other members and take the sacrament but it just isn't enough.  I want to feel the Holy Ghost and all the blessings that come with it, including peace and comfort.  Just after what happened a few months ago it had been really hard to feel motivated about much of anything besides sleep.  I don't feel bitter of what happened, but I need to move past it because the incident shouldn't define who I am.  My actions in this case are starting to define who I can become if I don't start to become fully active in my faith again.  Well, I kind of started last night but you get it.  I am a proud Mormon and I am SImplyMEnotyou.